I have No Clue

So it has been a year and a few days since my last post. However, this year I have promised myself to at least post more than once before we see 2013.  The year of 2011 was a challenge and I was most ecstatic to see it pass. After suffering many losses of children, grandparents, and friends, we were thankful to have succeeded in getting through the year as best as we did.

I also turned 40 which I never thought it would affect me as much as it did.  Suddenly, I came to the realization that in another 20 years I would turn 60. Much of this realization can be credited to my mother who, on every birthday, calls me to wish me a happy birthday then proceeds to tell me about the road ahead and next thing I know I will be so old that I will be looking forward to the arms of death. She is such a positive woman.

So now we come to resolutions. Now, I did not make my resolution at New Years, I made my resolution on my birthday which was the end of November. The first is to start eating healthier. I have been successful in starting, now if I can just keep that up for the rest of the year. The next is to actually get something accomplished with the book. I made a promise to my step-daughter to start the book last year. Truthfully, after her death, I did not want anything to do with writing or reading. However, for me, giving those things up make me feel like I am nothing more than a zombie walking through existence; enough of that.

I am a happy and positive person mixed with a little sarcasm. My time for mourning must come to an end and now it must be time for me to celebrate life and celebrate the life that others were forced to leave.  I officially deem 2012 the year of celebration. Now I shall don my lampshade and get to work!

Real World Uses for Polyjuice Potion

Having recently seen the latest and final Harry Potter film, it occurred to me that there’s a huge potential market for polyjuice potion. Imagine that while you’re young and in high school, you save a bagful of your hair. Then when the time rolls around for the 25th reunion, just a few hairs in some potion and you literally haven’t changed a bit since high school!

Got a bad haircut? Hickey? Poison Ivy rash? Just grab some DNA off a shirt you wore a few days ago and you won’t have to explain what happened when you get to work or school.

Movies based on real life would be revolutionized. No longer do you have to find an actor or actress that looks similar to the character being portrayed. With a bit of potion, you have Erin Brockovich starring James Earl Jones.

Celebrities will be eager to sell you potion with their hair already in it. I suspect Pamela Anderson would end up bald in short order. Relation difficulties will erupt when wives and girlfriends across the country are given Pamela Polyjuice on Valentine’s day.

And if you think it’s embarrassing to have intimate videos leaked onto the internet, just wait until the tabloids get a hold of what was found in Dumbledore’s pensieve. But I digress.

Warm Biscuits

You are correct Tom.  Exercise of any form is important in maintaining a healthy body and mind.  I’m sure you will be proud to hear that I begin my Zumba class next week.  I cannot wait to shake my tooty-frooty while performing the death grip on my crutches to keep me from falling over.   Oh yes, there will be quite a few blogs on the Zumba experience. 

Tom, I think it is wonderful you finally took the plunge and bought a new car, er, truck, um, station wagon on stilts.  It must have been a proud day for you to trade in the Cavalier with its Fred Flinstone option package.  I remember how proud I was a few months ago when Richard bought me my new Chevy Malibu LT with its heated seats.  We all know how cold it can get in Texas.  Just last week our temperatures dropped to a frigid 82 degrees!  However, with the heated seat option, my biscuits stay toasty warm.  Who cares that I have to turn on the a/c to arctic temperatures just so I can maintain a warm backside.

Exercising Options

Well Jennifer, broken bones are rarely fun, (let's pause for a second to consider the rare occasions when they are fun :-) but I encourage you and all our readers to get out and get regular exercise of some form. You don't have to be insane like me, and maybe running isn't for you. But anything that is intense enough to get your heart rate up and long enough for you body to tap slightly into its reservese is a good thing. For starters, the carbs in your next meal will be used to replenish your reserves instead of being converted to fat.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about today. I'm getting a new car! Yep, I'm picking up a 2011 Ford Escape on Saturday. Some might call it a truck, but it's really a station wagon on stilts. Compared to the Chevy Cavalier I'll be trading in, it will give me a higher and more commanding view of the road as I sit idling in traffic, my hair blowing in the breeze of the fully functional heater. More importantly, it's less likely to be dragging its underside in the snow when our road isn't plowed in a timely fashion.

But actually, that isn't what I wanted to talk about either. Rather, there is a very curious manner in which this vehicle is being paid for. As I've said before, I write software for a living. You might think people buy this software and the company uses the proceeds to pay my salary. To a certain extent, that is true, but here's the rest of the story.

Part of my compensation is in the form of stock options. Basically, the company has set aside some shares of stock that I can buy at any time for a fixed price, which in turn is based on the value of the stock at the time the option is granted. So let's say my option price is $20.

Recently, the company stock has been trading at around $30. So here is the curious thing that happens: Somewhere somebody is collecting their weekly paycheck. A portion of this paycheck is diverted to their 401k plan. The 401k plan pools the money from multiple people and invests it in various company stocks. They offer $30 for 100 shares of my company's stock.

By sheer coincidence, I choose to exercise 100 options at the same time. So what happens is that I sell the 100 shares to the 401k plan for $3000. Immediately, $2000 is deducted from the proceeds to cover my cost of buying 100 shares at $20 each from the company. The US government then comes by and takes about half of it away as income and social security taxes.

So let's recap. $3000 goes into a 401k plan from people I've never met, which is then used to purchase my company's stock. My company ends up $2000 richer, the US government ends up $500 richer, and I end up with $500 of money to put towards a car (and I'll probably get some of the government's portion as a refund when I do my taxes). And there's now 100 more shares of company stock in circulation, which dilutes the value of all the other shares in circulation.

Share dilution is solved by the company buying back stock using proceeds from selling software. If the buy back happens when the stock has dropped to $10, it only costs the company $1000. Later still, when the stock has recovered to $20, those share are re-issued back to me and the cycle starts anew.

So what's the moral to all this? Investing in your 401k or IRA helps me buy cars. Thank you very much to all those who helped.

An Introduction to Me, Me, Me!

The last time I went running for my health, I broke my foot in two places.  I think I will stick with my pen.  My name is Jennifer.  Here is what you may not want to know about me.  I have a passion for reading and writing.  I am an aspiring author, and a failing perfectionist.  When I am not writing or working, I am studying for my degree in English Literature.  So far, I am happy to report there have been many books written about a lot of stuff.  I have read quite a bit of stuff and I love it so much, I decided to write some stuff of my own.  In addition to reading books, I am addicted to smelling books, Godiva chocolates, Pastrami and Swiss on rye, and handheld electronics.   No, that is not a dangling modifier; I really like to smell stuff. 

Let’s try this again.  In addition to reading books, I am addicted to smelling books. I dream of bathing in Godiva chocolate while eating Pastrami and Swiss sandwiches. I also love playing with handheld electronics.

I live in Waco, Texas with my fiancé Richard, and our 3 dogs; AJ the Ewok Schitzu , Missy the prissy toy Yorkie, and Mater the snuggable Dalmatian. 

Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tom and I am the "shoe" portion of this blog. Here's what you need to know about me.

I'm addicted to running (thus "shoe"). I currently run about 25 miles a week, and plan to increase that to 35 miles a week by mid February. It's a delightful way to get outside and spend time with friends. Running on a treadmill doesn't count, because it's too easy to quit at any time. When you run outside, and you're miles and miles from home when it starts to rain, you have no choice but to continue on with your planned run. Living in New England, cold weather and snow is not an excuse but a challenge to be overcome. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment, and have a drawer full of race T-shirts to show for it.

However, most of my days are spent in a cubicle writing software. It makes for a delightful dichotomy in life. When I'm not outdoors in all sorts of weather playing redneck runner, I'm completely sedentary in a building that is exactly 70 degrees each and every day. I am amused by coworkers who complain bitterly when the temperature drops to 68 degrees.

I also have the usual male fascination with cars, of which there will be much more in future posts. For now, just know that the most fun I've ever had with a car was with a Chevette I bought for $500. This was largely due to it having skinny tires with no traction whatsoever. Stab the brakes at a modest speed and flick the wheel and you're driving sideways. Then floor the gas and it had just enough power to keep the back end out. Not fast, but fun. And who cares if you're abusing a car that's all worn out anyway? Safety? There really wasn't enough power to hurt yourself seriously, just mind the big trucks.